my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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