Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Even my vagina gasped.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
