sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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