walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
