I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
