she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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