Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm passing your future prison.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
