I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
