the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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