there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
