There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
