Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
