I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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