I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i think my cat just said my name.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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