I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize