Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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