i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
