I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i now understand why vodka
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
