she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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