he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
