Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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