Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize