I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My day in three words: secret purse cake
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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