I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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