im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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