I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
