my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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