Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And my parents said I crawled through the house
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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