That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
