you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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