Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
