Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
