I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
why is half of my head shaved?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
