you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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