It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
