from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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