A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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