Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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