Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
