I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
