it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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