im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
