i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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