Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
