pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
