I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
True strength comes from lack of pants
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
