3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
