I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
