he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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