Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
