I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
