So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize