We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
