I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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