very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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