Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
