Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
