So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
