anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
