I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
