Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
