i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
