I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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