Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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