i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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